I made an alarm, but did not set it.  Therefore, no laundry, no ceiling fan cleaned.
This is the life of a graceful underachiever.

Insomnia

That time always rolls around when I know that I should be sleeping, but am wide awake.  I smoke a cigarette as though it's going to sooth me to sleep, instead, it makes my breath taste stale to the point where I need to brush my teeth.  So I brush my teeth.  Now I'm feeling so fresh and clean, it wakes me up... So I watch movies or surf the internet for a few hours until I can see the sun rising.  Crap.  So I try to close my eyes, but other senses intensify.  I can hear the clock ticking in the apartment above mine.  I can hear the birds start to chirp outside.  I can still smell cigarette on my hands and in my hair.  Brr... It's cold, now I have to get re-situated.  Eyes are open again, so I continue to watch movies, or play games, or surf the internet or stare at the ceiling fan.  Then I start to think about how I really should wipe off the fan blades, I'm sure there's at least an inch of dust on it by now.  I'll have to remember to do that tomorrow... I'll never remember, so I grab my phone and set an alert, "Clean up you dirty bitch" is what it says and it will go off at approximately 2:30 PM.  I'm sure that I will still have my phone on silent though and I really don't have enough time to do it after class, before work... So I set it for a later time.  Now I notice how high the stack of clothes is getting... need to do laundry.  I can multitask, do an assignment while doing some laundry and during a break from homework I can clean the fan blades.  Perfect.  Now that I have that figured out, I need to smoke a cigarette, maybe nicotine will help stop my thinking and help me sleep.

Brain Stew - Green Day

The Struggle to Fight Failure

I have come to the conclusion that everyone at some point in their lives deals with failure, but sometimes I feel as though some deal with it more than others.  Funny how karma works... I had a picture perfect childhood, guess that means my adult life will not be so grand.  Rainy days always bring unsettling feelings.
I know that I stated previously that life is all about what you make it, but sometimes, it's difficult to see life through naive eyes because, well, the truth is, life just sucks sometimes.  Sometimes we are faced with challenges as large as elephants that seem too big to conquer.  I don't really have any words of wisdom to fight this failure disease.  All I know is that it does no good to quit before trying and get over the fear of flying. 

Alexi Murdoch - Dream About Flying

Feelings are Funny

You know how many many people say that time heals everything?  It is the truth.  Feelings are silly.  They can be so intense quite often, but at others, well, they just don't exist or they fade into the background like contemporary folk music does in commercials.  Feelings over bigger things like, health, those can go out the window too.  Feelings for family can fade if you ignore them long enough.  Remember when your dog or cat died?  Or even your Carlos fishy?  Yeah, it was incredibly sad.  It probably made you cry, but you didn't think about it twenty times today, right?  Like the day that you first lost whatever it was that you had.  Let go, live, learn, and be patient with time.  And fun.  Remember to have fun in the process... If you don't, it gets a wee bit too intense.


If I Ever Leave this World Alive by Flogging Molly