Irresolution

There are some times that I simply don't know what to say.  It is now 9:16 in the morning, and I want so much to start using this thing more often and in a more positive manner, but the only time I seem to use it anymore is when I'm pissed off or sad.

Maybe my life has gotten that boring.

Here I am, my last day of "summer break".  Next week I will start classes.  Six hours a day Monday through Friday.  My summer will be spent as though I am in high school all over again.  So today, I will be lazy.  I will be in a vegetative manner until work, and then once again after work.
Or
I could do something totally spontaneous
and fun!
Something that I will not get to do for the next ten weeks....
Something in boring small town Indiana
(Which means I'll have to get creative on a tight budget)
Submerse myself into beautiful, free, sunny, perfectly temperatured outdoors

Or
I could clean my house
and blare music
on the speakers
with the windows open
the natural sunlight filtering through bright light-bulb-less rooms
dishwash dancing


Wow.  That's a lot (of prepositional phrases) to take in.

Or
I could be a nerd
sit
on the porch
and catch up
on some reading

Some times the unplanned blase days turn out to be some of the best.

Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Trust No One, but Yourself

Sometimes, I have this problem with putting entirely too much trust in people.  For some reason, I automatically assume that their actions are going to mimic mine and that they won't hurt me.  But people... these people that I have had trust issues with, they are the reason why I don't really have trust in the human race.  They are the reason why I consider humans to be more of a parasite than a superior being.  People that have made me lose my trust are the reason why I consider myself agnostic.
It's really disappointing when this happens.
Really disappointing.
I guess I haven't lost faith in ALL people, but there are very few and far in between that I can trust and that is sad.
Someone once told me that three out of five sentences that people speak are lies.  I found that hard to believe.  Now I don't.  I really don't.
An ex boyfriend once told me to trust no one but myself.. and although I don't entirely agree with the statement, I agree with it enough to remember and to take it as partial advice.

Panic! At the Disco

Armor

Life has its fair share of ups and downs.  Learning to deal with the downs is probably one of the most difficult parts.  Rejection is my trigger of depression, as I'm sure it is the same for everyone else.  I take it personally when someone tells me no.  Perhaps, I am a Cancerian with a weak shell.  Maybe, rejection helps us grow as people and learn not to repeat certain behaviors or actions.  When in the moment, it's hard to break free from that downward spiral thought process.  Moral of the story, don't wear your heart on your sleeve, people like to play with it when you do that.
I guess, get your stronger armor ready, because it is a rough rough world.

Raise Your Weapon - DEADMAU5

Mmmmhmm

There comes a point in single life where you get really comfortable.  Once you get here, it's a good feeling.  Not one to feel selfish over either.  You will have more confidence in yourself.  You will want to do things for yourself.  You will want to experiment new things and new people.  It is in this comfortable moment that you will figure out what it is you want to do with your life.  It is this moment that you figure out that no matter what Heaven or Hell may exist (if they do), you only live one life on Earth, so why not make the absolute best of it for yourself?



Young, Wild, and Free Dubstep Remix

How to Avoid Dickheads

Every single woman gets excited at the dating prospect.  When a guy asks a girl on a date, even if we refuse, it is still nice to get the attention.  We appreciate it.
Going on the actual date can be nerve wrecking.  You bet your ass we are going to our friends for advice on what to wear, whether or not we look and smell amazing.  If we look too desperate or not desperate enough.  What we should say, what we should not say.  Whether or not to go into exes or baggage details.  If a kiss happens at the end of the night, are we moving to fast, or is that allowed?
When a guy sweeps a girl off of her feet, to the point where she is talking about him more than just about everything else in her life and making sacrifices to see him again.  Well... maybe you should reconsider.
The truth... 65% of guys, at least in their 20's are looking for nothing more than a lay.  Live and learn.  Do not sleep with the guy until you are comfortable enough to share that baggage, which should not happen until at least date three.  If you give yourself on the first date, you would be the exception to the rule if things work out.  If you put out on the second date, well, things are still shaky.  Make sure you know what you want and what he wants.  Establish boundaries.  Make sure he's into you, or you might end up not only feeling like a whore, but feeling miserable as well.  Dating is a toss up.  You never know how things are going to end up.  You never know how well connected you are going to be with the person.  So give it time.  If he pressures you into anything sexual, you don't have to do anything that you aren't comfortable doing.  If he persists, then he is not worth your time... Unless if you are looking for a fuck buddy or a friend with benefits.
Just keep yourself in mind throughout the entire process.  Don't go for anything less than what you deserve.  There are plenty of fish in the sea and until you find your fishmate, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.  You are free!

Feelin' Good (Bassache Remix) - Nina Simone

Dilated

They say that something in the chemicals in your body triggers your pupils to dilate when you are attracted to someone.  It is almost like the human mating call, a natural impulse of attraction.  Maybe, what we make so complicated really is not.  Maybe marriage is not essential to life.
Society.  No one wants to be the ugly ducking.  Every day, Facebook profiles, magazines, newspapers, etc. have wedding pictures popping up constantly.  The older you get the more this happens... and then babies start getting thrown into the mix.  No one wants to raise a child on their own.
There are ways to avoid that.
All of that.


Eyes On Fire - Blue Foundation

A Breath of Fresh Air

Beautiful autumn day in the Midwest.  Leaves gleaming in brilliant reds and rustic oranges, leaves crumpling to the ground in a dismal brown.  Sunlight capturing and illuminating the colors.  As the sun hits my shoulders, my body finally grows to the chill in the air.  No need for a jacket; a sweater or sweatshirt brings warmth back to the body just fine.
These are the days when it feels like there is a heaven on Earth.

Nothing like cuddling up on a chair in fresh air with a book in hand, enjoying the day. 
Thinking life may not be as bad and complicated as we sometimes make it.
Breath - Pink Floyd