Friday night. After a week full of work and school. There is nothing better than a nice cold alcoholic beverage, some fantastic friends, and a GREAT time. You should all try it while alive.
Cracks - Flux Pavillion Remix
October 21, 2011
October 20, 2011
Apparition
Everything worth saving hangs on my wall. Everything from ticket stubs to pictures to bar wristbands to play bills and paintings. Looking at each and every one brings back memories of mostly amazing times. Today the ticket stub with his name on it for "A Christmas Carol" fell onto the floor and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.
This boy did for me one Christmas something beyond romantic. It was the best gift that has ever been given to me by a boy. I went to go see "A Christmas Carol" in Jr. High and was really impressed with the theater and the entire production. It was an annual occurrence. Still is. He told me to meet him at his apartment and to wear something nice. I pulled out my black cocktail dress from the back of the closet. Diamond studded heels. Garter belt complete with garters and thigh highs. Hair straight and pulled to the side. Make-up flawless. He was wearing black dress pants with a button up metallic-esque (not club metallic, but slightly shiny) green shirt with a black, perfectly tied tie. He looked so handsome. The green in his shirt made the blue in his eyes pop. As we were about to leave, he pulled out a gift perfectly wrapped in festive paper from underneath the tinsel covered, LED lighted, tiny little tree we had decorated just two weeks prior. "Merry Christmas". In it was the most tasteful, breathtaking diamond bracelet and earring set. I was overly impressed already, and the night had just begun. He took me to an excellent Italian restaurant, where we gorged ourselves in delicious carbohydrates. Then he walked me down to the theater, where my Jr. High memories were brought to life again. That was what let me know I was truly in love with him. Not because of the material items, but because he actually listened and proceeded to take it to a whole new level. A level that is only seems to be real in Disney movies.
It is hard to find a guy like that.
It is hard to not miss a guy like that when he is gone.
He is gone.
Like most relationships, the romance faded. We laid under the stars and talked for hours about nothing. We used to read to each other. We used to rock out to 80's hair band music while on road trips. We used to have the kind of love that people were envious over. Eventually, distance got the better of that love, and it faded.
Now, as he possibly holds the hands of other women and sweeps them off their feet, my head begins to focus on things like alcohol and homework (never together though), future career and living location. Love is not hard to find, but love is one of the hardest things to let go.
These apparition memories play like a movie over and over and over.
Adele- Someone Like You
This boy did for me one Christmas something beyond romantic. It was the best gift that has ever been given to me by a boy. I went to go see "A Christmas Carol" in Jr. High and was really impressed with the theater and the entire production. It was an annual occurrence. Still is. He told me to meet him at his apartment and to wear something nice. I pulled out my black cocktail dress from the back of the closet. Diamond studded heels. Garter belt complete with garters and thigh highs. Hair straight and pulled to the side. Make-up flawless. He was wearing black dress pants with a button up metallic-esque (not club metallic, but slightly shiny) green shirt with a black, perfectly tied tie. He looked so handsome. The green in his shirt made the blue in his eyes pop. As we were about to leave, he pulled out a gift perfectly wrapped in festive paper from underneath the tinsel covered, LED lighted, tiny little tree we had decorated just two weeks prior. "Merry Christmas". In it was the most tasteful, breathtaking diamond bracelet and earring set. I was overly impressed already, and the night had just begun. He took me to an excellent Italian restaurant, where we gorged ourselves in delicious carbohydrates. Then he walked me down to the theater, where my Jr. High memories were brought to life again. That was what let me know I was truly in love with him. Not because of the material items, but because he actually listened and proceeded to take it to a whole new level. A level that is only seems to be real in Disney movies.
It is hard to find a guy like that.
It is hard to not miss a guy like that when he is gone.
He is gone.
Like most relationships, the romance faded. We laid under the stars and talked for hours about nothing. We used to read to each other. We used to rock out to 80's hair band music while on road trips. We used to have the kind of love that people were envious over. Eventually, distance got the better of that love, and it faded.
Now, as he possibly holds the hands of other women and sweeps them off their feet, my head begins to focus on things like alcohol and homework (never together though), future career and living location. Love is not hard to find, but love is one of the hardest things to let go.
These apparition memories play like a movie over and over and over.
Adele- Someone Like You
October 18, 2011
My Heart Strings
My heart strings are starting to fray. My stomach is filled with butterflies and what may or may not be vomit. You are the soul cause of this and I hate that because somehow I should block all feelings. I should wear one of those protective medieval armors and not let anyone through. Feelings are unintentional and compulsive. Maybe I just should not feel at all. Catch myself before I fall. Get my shit together and then worry about these things. Ugh, if only life worked that way.
Black & Gold - Sam Sparro
Black & Gold - Sam Sparro
September 29, 2011
September 28, 2011
Insomnia
That time always rolls around when I know that I should be sleeping, but am wide awake. I smoke a cigarette as though it's going to sooth me to sleep, instead, it makes my breath taste stale to the point where I need to brush my teeth. So I brush my teeth. Now I'm feeling so fresh and clean, it wakes me up... So I watch movies or surf the internet for a few hours until I can see the sun rising. Crap. So I try to close my eyes, but other senses intensify. I can hear the clock ticking in the apartment above mine. I can hear the birds start to chirp outside. I can still smell cigarette on my hands and in my hair. Brr... It's cold, now I have to get re-situated. Eyes are open again, so I continue to watch movies, or play games, or surf the internet or stare at the ceiling fan. Then I start to think about how I really should wipe off the fan blades, I'm sure there's at least an inch of dust on it by now. I'll have to remember to do that tomorrow... I'll never remember, so I grab my phone and set an alert, "Clean up you dirty bitch" is what it says and it will go off at approximately 2:30 PM. I'm sure that I will still have my phone on silent though and I really don't have enough time to do it after class, before work... So I set it for a later time. Now I notice how high the stack of clothes is getting... need to do laundry. I can multitask, do an assignment while doing some laundry and during a break from homework I can clean the fan blades. Perfect. Now that I have that figured out, I need to smoke a cigarette, maybe nicotine will help stop my thinking and help me sleep.
Brain Stew - Green Day
Brain Stew - Green Day
September 19, 2011
The Struggle to Fight Failure
I have come to the conclusion that everyone at some point in their lives deals with failure, but sometimes I feel as though some deal with it more than others. Funny how karma works... I had a picture perfect childhood, guess that means my adult life will not be so grand. Rainy days always bring unsettling feelings.
I know that I stated previously that life is all about what you make it, but sometimes, it's difficult to see life through naive eyes because, well, the truth is, life just sucks sometimes. Sometimes we are faced with challenges as large as elephants that seem too big to conquer. I don't really have any words of wisdom to fight this failure disease. All I know is that it does no good to quit before trying and get over the fear of flying.
Alexi Murdoch - Dream About Flying
I know that I stated previously that life is all about what you make it, but sometimes, it's difficult to see life through naive eyes because, well, the truth is, life just sucks sometimes. Sometimes we are faced with challenges as large as elephants that seem too big to conquer. I don't really have any words of wisdom to fight this failure disease. All I know is that it does no good to quit before trying and get over the fear of flying.
Alexi Murdoch - Dream About Flying
September 16, 2011
Feelings are Funny
You know how many many people say that time heals everything? It is the truth. Feelings are silly. They can be so intense quite often, but at others, well, they just don't exist or they fade into the background like contemporary folk music does in commercials. Feelings over bigger things like, health, those can go out the window too. Feelings for family can fade if you ignore them long enough. Remember when your dog or cat died? Or even your Carlos fishy? Yeah, it was incredibly sad. It probably made you cry, but you didn't think about it twenty times today, right? Like the day that you first lost whatever it was that you had. Let go, live, learn, and be patient with time. And fun. Remember to have fun in the process... If you don't, it gets a wee bit too intense.
If I Ever Leave this World Alive by Flogging Molly
If I Ever Leave this World Alive by Flogging Molly
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