Apparition

Everything worth saving hangs on my wall.  Everything from ticket stubs to pictures to bar wristbands to play bills and paintings.  Looking at each and every one brings back memories of mostly amazing times.  Today the ticket stub with his name on it for "A Christmas Carol" fell onto the floor and my heart dropped into the pit of my stomach.
This boy did for me one Christmas something beyond romantic.  It was the best gift that has ever been given to me by a boy.  I went to go see "A Christmas Carol"  in Jr. High and was really impressed with the theater and the entire production.  It was an annual occurrence. Still is.  He told me to meet him at his apartment and to wear something nice.  I pulled out my black cocktail dress from the back of the closet.  Diamond studded heels.  Garter belt complete with garters and thigh highs.  Hair straight and pulled to the side.  Make-up flawless.  He was wearing black dress pants with a button up metallic-esque (not club metallic, but slightly shiny) green shirt with a black, perfectly tied tie.  He looked so handsome.  The green in his shirt made the blue in his eyes pop.  As we were about to leave, he pulled out a gift perfectly wrapped in festive paper from underneath the tinsel covered, LED lighted, tiny little tree we had decorated just two weeks prior. "Merry Christmas".  In it was the most tasteful, breathtaking diamond bracelet and earring set.  I was overly impressed already, and the night had just begun.  He took me to an excellent Italian restaurant, where we gorged ourselves in delicious carbohydrates.  Then he walked me down to the theater, where my Jr. High memories were brought to life again.  That was what let me know I was truly in love with him.  Not because of the material items, but because he actually listened and proceeded to take it to a whole new level.  A level that is only seems to be real in Disney movies.

It is hard to find a guy like that.
It is hard to not miss a guy like that when he is gone.

He is gone.

Like most relationships, the romance faded.  We laid under the stars and talked for hours about nothing.  We used to read to each other.  We used to rock out to 80's hair band music while on road trips.  We used to have the kind of love that people were envious over.  Eventually, distance got the better of that love, and it faded.
Now, as he possibly holds the hands of other women and sweeps them off their feet, my head begins to focus on things like alcohol and homework (never together though), future career and living location.  Love is not hard to find, but love is one of the hardest things to let go.
These apparition memories play like a movie over and over and over.
 


Adele- Someone Like You